The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

I did it. After years of Pilates, the instructor commanded the room to “turn to Camilla to see an example”. So there it is. I have completed fitness. I can let go now…✨

— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) January 25, 2023

My Google Drive storage is full do you guys think I can delete my AP US History essays yet or will I need those

— Phoebe Bain (@notnotphoebe) January 23, 2023

Learning that Paprika is just dried and crushed red bell peppers was really shocking. Like I dunno why I thought there was a Paprika tree somewhere

— Make Oxtail Cheap Again (@simsimmaaz) January 23, 2023

are you ever telling a story and halfway through you’re like jesus will i ever shut up

— trash jones (@jzux) January 22, 2023

when I answer 3 emails pic.twitter.com/si12wAP7J4

— 🤙🏻soso🤙🏻 (@sophiebuddle) January 21, 2023

Making soup. How do you know which onions are French?

— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) January 22, 2023

chatgpt will never replicate the charm and syntax of an undergraduate paper where the student has neither been to class nor read more than the abstract of a paper
there's a magic nothingness that they're able to conjure with sheer grit and desperation that a.i. could never

— vicky mochama (@vmochama) January 23, 2023

one time i was about to have sex and he took his beanie off and then his shirt then put the beanie back on

— teryn (@youngtiddy) January 24, 2023

Someone should name a bar/speakeasy in D.C. "That's Classified" so that when someone asks where you're going, you can say, "That's Classified"

— Kathryn Watson (@kathrynw5) January 24, 2023

a guy at the airport said “safe travels” to me and i said “you too” and then panicked and said “everyone’s on a journey, man.” i hope my plane crashes.

— erin chack (@ErinChack) January 23, 2023

Restaurants r obsessed w putting a scoop of ice cream on a brownie and being like oh my godddd

— helena (@freshhel) January 22, 2023

I don’t know who needs to hear this but someone has been mad at you for YEARS about something you don’t even remember and they talk about it to other people A LOT. Hope this helps!

— Remy Kassimir (@RemyKassimir) January 21, 2023

i have information that will lead to the arrest of the duolingo owl

— amy (@coolmom42069) January 24, 2023

i have information that will lead to the arrest of the duolingo owl

— amy (@coolmom42069) January 24, 2023

Stephanie Hsu will forever go down in history as the first original cast member of The Spongebob Squarepants Musical to be nominated for an Academy Award

— Dais (@thegoodolddais) January 24, 2023

my cousin is marrying a plastic surgeon and I’m the only American cousin who flew all the way to India for the wedding. My family thinks it’s because I “love” him and “want him to be happy” ??? no. I am trying to get a free BBL.

— abby govindan (@abbygov) January 24, 2023

Did you know, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid, that doesn't fit any of your containers.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) January 23, 2023

today I saw a toddler in a snowsuit with animal ears on the hood

then the dad lowered the hood to reveal the toddler was also wearing a toque with a second set of animal ears and I nearly lost my shit

— Michelle Allison (@fatnutritionist) January 25, 2023

Woke up in a cold sweat remembering I voted Republican in the fourth grade mock election because I liked elephants better

— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) January 23, 2023

I am going to write a movie about them being brothers who rob banks pic.twitter.com/zJLzC4mqlB

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) January 26, 2023

This lady said she made 60k+ last year from her cat’s TikTok. I got 3 cats. I’m bouta turn into Joe Jackson

— I appreciate you. (@DeeLaSheeArt) January 25, 2023

women in PHLEGM (Philosophy, History, Languages, English Literature, Geography, Music)

— eleanor (@eleanordotcomm) January 27, 2023

Whoever claimed that the "internet is forever" didn't have to go back to the internet of 2009 for a research project only to find that 75% of the links go nowhere now.

— Robyn Caplan (@robyncaplan) January 25, 2023

I just realized californication was a sex pun i thought it meant something was like being turned into california

— alexandra (@vulpes___vulpes) January 23, 2023

omg I just remembered that when I was like 14 we had our parents write us letters to put in time capsules that we'd open when we were 18 but my dad didn't rly understand what this was so instead of like a sweet letter he wrote a list of predictions..?

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) January 27, 2023